– A good simulator check ride is like a successful surgery on a dead body.
– Asking a pilot what he thinks about the FAA is like asking a tree what it thinks about dogs.
– An airline pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when flying, and about flying when he’s with a woman.
– The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as a copilot, is a copilot who once was a captain.
– Experience is gained through making mistakes. Mistakes are caused by a lack of experience
– Hand-flying an ILS in a gusty crosswind is easier than adjusting the shower controls in a layover hotel.
– A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.
– Most airline crew food tastes like warmed-over chicken because that’s what it is.
– Everything is accomplished through teamwork until something goes wrong . .. . . . then one pilot gets all the blame.
– Standard checklist practice requires pilots to read to each other procedures used every day, and recite from memory those which are only needed once every five years.
– A crew scheduler has to be the kind of person who wakes his wife at midnight to carry out the garbage, then sends her back to let the cat in.
– Unlike flight crew members, jet engines stop whining when the plane arrives at the gate.
– A dispatcher’s desk has never run out of fuel.
– An FAA investigation is conducted by a few non-flying experts who take six months to itemize the mistakes made by a crew who had six seconds to react to the emergency.